“The Rim Riders Ridden Hard!” “A New Hope or Our Current Hope?” “The Rim Riders Get a Taste of A New Hope”. Don’t mind me, I’m just brainstorming headlines, should the Washington Post call me up to be their next Bro Montana cover reporter. You know, because I’m insanely good with deadlines, and clearly, a holy shit good writer. Back to a Commish Note before any football in Week 8, and back to the action.
(Editor’s note: Caleb most certainly shit his pants directly after typing the words “back to the action”, not a fake pants shit, a real one.)
Scotty gets the job done in Week 7 with his second straight win, but most importantly the first blemish on Eric’s 2023 record. Jalen, Brown, and Etienne lead the way for Scott, while Eric could only find some life from his workhorse, McCafferey, and one of the greatest waiver wire pickups in history, Nacua. Surely Eric had bye week issues if Geno Smith is his QB right? (Checks notes) Holy shit the #1 team in the Bro Montana bowl is running out Geno Smith as his starting QB. I’d love to talk shit, but 6-1 speaks for itself. Scott moves to 5-2 and is now averaging 117 points scored per week, which is 15 points per week higher than #2, Dally Pooter. Turns out money CAN buy happiness, or at least until a second round playoff loss. Eric moves on to try and douse the fire that is Unloved Puppies, while Scott has his eyes set on the #1 seed and a matchup against The Urge To Purge.
Catch TDs Not Feelings rides the very sexy Mahomes/Future Mr. Swift stack to 125 points and a beat down of OTT IS HIM. Is Jonathan Taylor back? For our sakes, I sure hope not. Dallas put up a 125 without any of his three WRs doing a single thing. AO has some wounds to lick after a two game slide, he heads into Stunning & Brave Country while Dallas goes to the place where there are No Safe Words. Fairly ideal I’d say when you’re trying to catch TDs.
Very unfortunate for me that the Ravens and Lamar Jackson remembered how to play football when Jake was my matchup. Lamar, Andrews, and Kamara get the job done, and my entire team forgot we were 2-4 and REALLY looking for a win. Dumbasses. Jake even had a goose egg and made it to 106! Hey Jake, if you want to trade for the actual #1 WR in Jacksonville, go ahead and bang my line. The Cocaine Bears found renewed vigor (sniff sniff) and head into their bye week feeling high, and mightier.
Our closest matchup of the week was No Safe Words vs Unloved Puppies, what a finish! Jordan Addison comes up MASSIVELY! And to think, that second touchdown was less than half an inch away from being an interception. Ah what could have been Spence, what could have been. Spencer had an incredible performance from Wil Lutz but couldn’t really get much going anywhere else. He drops his third game in a row, and has to play the best projected team on paper in the league, Dally Pooter. Mason, somehow, wins his second game in a row! He may actually have a good team! Very insanely good draft day execution with a short stack by Mason. He powers on to test his skills against the still league #1, Rim Riders.
How mad is Ragen that a weekly rental of D’Onta Foreman was the difference between winning and losing? I haven’t checked in with him personally, but I think we can all perfectly imagine the Rage Monster losing it over that. Foreman, Ford, and Evans do enough for The Urge To Purge over Emancipation Fornication. Ragen drops his second in a row since he’s seen my beautiful face, and both of us are obviously struggling to win since we were in the same room masturbating to our fantasy wins. Very sad. Ragen moves on to see if he can take down the now streaking Chanpuonsgup team to stop the bleeding.
Speaking of Nick, he tried his best to give Bradley his second win in a row, but ended up being victorious. Sutton, The Sun God, Pittman Jr, and the Ravens defense ended up scraping enough together to beat Mr Chaos/No Longer a Wizard/Taco, Bradley. I love that Bradley is now just giving his best players to Tank for free. I’m sure we’re all thinking the same thing, “I should definitely hit Bradley up since he’ll give me a player for free in the name of chaos, but there isn’t even benchable players on his roster.”
I’m now wearing shit-stain free pants and proud to get you boys a Commish Note at a proper time on a proper day. Happy Week 8!
Commish Out.
Oct 25 12:51 PM
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