2024 - Week 14

^Ragen and I posing prior to doing a breakfast beer shotgun on Saturday in Vegas. We left plenty of our money there for future grabbing, and probably fed at least 12 families in Columbia, for a month, after going to Chicas Bonitas both nights. Chris Stapleton fucks, George Strait does not fuck, and the dealers at Circa during rush hour on Friday and Saturday nights are the hottest in town. There's your Vegas recap!

Jakob Elliott finishes the regular season with a BANG, throwing up a season high, league high, 160 points, narrowly edging out his other high watermark of 157. The craziest part of his 160 is he didn't have Josh Allen, Derrick Henry was on a bye, and Saquon only had 17 points. Puka with 32, Charbonnet with 33 (Fuck the Seahawks), Burrow with 27, and the rest of his team filled in the gaps. Even though Young & Wrecked put up a respectable Week 14 score of 106, Mason was still on the bad side of a 54 point blowout. Jordan Addison decided to be really good at football, and Chase Brown continues his very nice season, but in the end, Jake secures the #2 seed, the scoring championship, and Mason has to settle for 10th place. I'd be remiss for not mentioning Mason winning the worst gift the fantasy gods can bestow, the league leading 1,413 points scored against for the year. Bare Bottoms gets a much deserved week off, and eagerly awaits the winner between !!POUND FOR POUND!! and Dem Other Boyz.

Happy Josh Allen week everybody! Tank knocks off Spencer 122-111 in a high scoring close matchup that Josh Allen, and his 54 points, helped close the door on. All Tank needed on Monday Night was five from CeeDee, got 15 and the win! Justin Jefferson dropped 28 and Bijan dropped 17, but Spencer could only get 14 from Love in a high scoring game against Detroit. Pull Out Method finishes his strong season at 9-5 and the four seed in the playoffs. Tank caps off a rollercoaster season that included starting 1-4, a four game losing streak, a four game winning streak, and two heartbreaking losses on Monday Night at my hands. He finishes at 8-6 and secures the final playoff spot!

Cuming of Rage takes care of business against Cinnamon Danish to win 110-86 to lock in the five seed. Jalen Hurts (23), Tyreek Hill (20), and Josh Jacobs (24) all shine. Jayden Reed and the Arizona defense didn't do Ragen any favors, combining for -1, but Dowdle and Hubbard scored 17 and 16, respectively. AO got the hot pickup of the week, Issac Guerendo, and he scored 24 points as the Niners smashed the Bears. Customarily for Niner RBs in 2024, he may have lost Guerendo to injury in the 4th quarter. After two great games in a row, Caleb Williams came back down to rookie QB earth, and the Buffalo defense put up a possible league low -4 points (I'm too lazy to check the season on this one, but I like our chances of that being the low score for a defense in 2024). AO moves on to play Mason, the winner avoiding a matchup in the toilet bowl and a ticket to play The BJs. Ragen heads to battle it out with Spencer in the playoffs.

Sideline Karmalytics is your 2024 Regular Season Champion, ladies and gentlemen. 11-3 on the season, there were only three weeks he didn't score over 100, and one of the those he scored 99. A beacon of fantasy consistency for the entire year, he finishes the regular season on an eight game winning streak, he beats 3 in 5 106-98 in Week 14 with an entire team effort. Kyren Williams was the only player to eclipse 20, and seven of his starters hit double digits. Nick left two WRs on the bench that could have secured him the win if he had started either of them over DJ Moore, but might as well not tempt yourself when you weren't gonna make the playoffs anyway! Eric, now $200 richer, gets the week off, awaiting the winner of the Ragen and Spencer matchup.

WEEKEND AT BERNIES GETS HIS SECOND WIN OF THE SEASON! My god! Sam Darnold drops 36 points, Shakir adds in 19, and Mooney gets 17, and Bradley beats Scott 87-79. Fun fact, Bradley has started a player that scored 0 points or less 22 times this season. What a stat. Mark that one down Eric, it's gonna be hard for anyone to ever get close to that one. Even with the loss, Scotty still held on to the seven seed, good enough for a bye and secures the profit he made from selling Puka. What if Bradley can pull off the impossible? Not getting last place in the consolation? Some would say it's near impossible, and I would probably agree with them. First matchup is against Nick and his now bold faced lying 3 in 5 squad, Bradley is currently starting two players projected for zero points, so there's that.

Dem Other Boyz picks up the ugly win against I'm In My Prime, 87-61. It was a little touch and go there for Dally until Ja'Marr Chase splooged all over the Cowboys. Is 177 yards and 2 TDs good? Outside of Chase's 33 and Goff's 21, nobody else on Dally's team broke double digits. Dallas finishes a strong 2024 campaign at 10-4, the league's #3 seed, and the least amount of points scored against him (the greatest gift the fantasy gods can bestow).

And then there were six. Best of luck (with bitterness from those of us watching on the sidelines) to the playoff field, happy playoff Week 15!

Commish Out.