We did it boys, we made it to another season of NFL football. Despite my best efforts to never leave Vegas, I’m happy to report I’m back in Bend and typing this commissioner note was my highest priority. It was a low scoring week one in the Bro Montana Bowl, but Scotty Mo didn’t get that memo. 74 points combined from TyFreak and the Dallas defense got the job done against Ragen’s second highest scoring team. Burrow and Goedert with slow starts to the season, but there’s plenty to be excited about for Ragen and Emancipation Fornication. Jones, Ekeler, and Jefferson all showed why the draft money gets spent on them. I’m sure Scott has been victorious in Week 1 before, but I wonder if he’s ever been victorious and the league’s leading scorer? A New Hope!
Tank beats down Spencer 99-57 with fairly solid performances across the board from his whole squad. No massive scorers, but 7 guys in double digits gets you close to 100 pretty quick! Spencer has to be disappointed in his two A+ players, Josh Allen and Saquon, scoring only 14 points combined in Week 1. If this trend continues, Spencer may think about workshopping one or two safe words, just in case. Spencer moves on to face the 0-1 defending champ, Chanpuonsgup. The Urge to Purge faces Rim Riders, which makes me think about a poorly named porno involving juice cleansing.
Speaking of Rim Riding, Eric rolls through my team behind Watson, McCaffrey, and the Jets defense. My team has a lot to figure out heading into Week 2, I had two goose eggs, and four players combining for 9 points. Having said that, Eric’s team had four players combining for six points, so it was a lot of trash all around in this matchup except for the five players hitting double digits.
In the closest and most interesting matchup of the week, OTT IS HIM comes up with a massive with over The Denver Broncos Chanpuonsgup. Aiyuk took AO to the finish line with a 27 point outburst. Nick’s beloved Bronco players, Wilson, Dulcich, and Williams combine for 22 points in their loss to the Raiders. I know it’s only Week 1, but it sure looks like the Broncos suck again. Best of luck with that Nick!
No Kelce, no Kupp, no problem! Dally scrapes together enough for a win, mainly because the Bears forgot their Cocaine. Ridley was the only shiny object on an otherwise dull weekend for the CBs. Catch TDs Not Feelings takes it 79-51, breathes a sigh of relief, and hopes to get Kelce back in Week 2.
In what has to be the lowest scoring matchup ever, in any league, in the universe, Mason somehow blows out Bradley after only scoring 53 points. That’s right folks, Bradley had only three of his players score more than 1 fantasy point. Dak led the way with 5 fantasy points. You just hate to see it. I’m willing to bet we see a name change from Bradley soon, perhaps to Severely Uncomfortable?
That was a very low scoring week and didn’t give me much to compliment, I’m gonna need to see more scoring in Week 2. ¡Hasta la próxima semana, estoy muy feliz de que vuelva el fútbol mis amores! Vamos a rasgar.
Commish Out.
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