My deepest apologies go out to every member of this league, I let you down last week. Thankfully, it was during Thanksgiving, and I’m thankful to be serving such forgiving group of league mates. No one even murdered me on the group thread, which would have been welcomed and warranted. We’re going to go through the last two weeks manager by manager, with a look at each’s playoff hopes and road to making it in!
The Rim Riders dropped a game in Week 11 to No Safe Words 102-113, spoiling Josh Allen’s debut on his new squad. Keenan Allen did all he could do, but he was no match for Calvin Ridley and Saquon Barkley on the other side of the ball. Spencer picked up a much needed win, and Eric stayed in first place because evidently that’s what he does in 2023. Eric and Josh Allen both bounced back in Week 12, taking down a Commissioner Noteless Commissioner 117-99. It was the Josh Allen/Josh Jacobs/Christian McCaffery show, accounting for 78% of the team’s total points. With two games left in the regular season, Rim Riders have clinched their spot in the playoffs, and secured a first round bye. Eric finishes the regular season with Tank and Nick. Can he fend off A New Hope and keep the regular season title?? We’ll soon find out.
A New Hope recovered from a Week 10 loss by playing ApprovedChaos and was, obviously, victorious, 93-61. Get this; Bradley, after picking up five defenses, DIDN’T EVEN START ONE AGAINST SCOTT. What in the actual fuck Bradley. Scott had a goose egg from AJ Brown, after he only hauled in one catch against the Chiefs, but TyFreak held it down, and the Dallas defense scored 21 points to help cruise through the bye week. In Week 12 Scotty put the hurt on Ragen, 137-62. Jalen Hurts was the shining star with a 34 spot, but everyone on A New Hope contributed nicely to the effort. Scott has officially clinched his spot in the playoffs, is comfortably in second place, and only trails Eric by a single game. Scotty has scored the most points in the league by far (averaging 114 per game), so if he can tie Eric’s record, he will be the regular season champion. He finishes the regular season with yours truly and Tank, so it’s no cakewalk.
The Urge To Purge dropped an important game to OTT IS HIM in Week 11, 98-114. His prized possession, Achane, was supposed to come back and return to glory on a scary Miami offense, but alas, he wasn’t healthy enough to roll. Devin Singletary tried to pick up the slack, but the Buffalo defense scoring 21 for AO ended up being the difference. Week 12 was much better for Tank, blowing Spencer out 130-78 for the second highest score of the week. Pacheco, Evans, and the Miami defense all had nice games, and I just have to say, it’s nice to see the Mighty Mouse back playing football, thanks for starting him two weeks in a row Tank. You guys may have forgotten but my one and only championship was when my team was led by, and named after The Mighty Mouse. Tank now sits in 3rd place, with the best tie breaker of the teams that are 7-5. However, as of now he has the worst tiebreaker of the teams that are 6-6, so if he drops a game, things could get dicey. His future is in his hands and if he wins two, he’s in, if he goes 1-1, who knows! He finishes with Eric, and me.
In Week 11, Unloved Puppies dropped the Roommate Battle against Cocaine Bears 61-79. Rough scoring all the way around for his squad, Dak and Brian Robinson were the only players to reach double digits, and Garrett Wilson finished at -2. He left Brock Purdy’s 29 on the bench, but thankfully it wouldn’t have mattered for the outcome. He came back with a vengeance Turkey Week for a 125-50 pile drive of Bradley. Dak Prescott and Kyren Williams scored 70 points combined, and once again, Bradley didn’t start a defense. He must be trying to prove some mystical point that only a wizard would understand. Mason is sitting at fourth place, but of the six teams jockeying for the four playoff spots, he has the second lowest tie breaker. In other words, he better win! He finishes with Ragen and Scott. It must be noted that Mason has an otherworldly Points Against total, 984. Teams are averaging 82 points against him per week for the season, incredible. Where’s my stat guy at? What’s the lowest we’ve ever seen for a season?
Don’t look now, but the Cocaine Bears are on a nice little three game winning streak. As previously mentioned, Jake beat Mason in Week 11, then he went ahead and beat Dallas 108-93 in Week 12! All he needed were solid scores across the board, he didn’t even get one player scoring in the 20s. Zay Flowers and Devonta Smith led the way. Jake now unexpectantly finds himself in the thick of the playoff battle. He has the lowest tiebreaker of the six teams jockeying, but he’s in fifth place and 7-5, with a real shot! I know I said Mason really needed to win two to get in, but Jake REALLY needs to win two to get in, in my opinion. With the low tiebreaker, he can’t afford another loss. He fin
Dally Pooter got the job done in Week 11, just barely, beating Chanpuonsgup 80-72 behind Gus Edwards, Joe Mixon, and Justin Tucker. Ever since his 35 point game in Week 7, Mahomes has been ICE COLD, scoring totals of 5, 15, 16, and 19 since (with a bye week thrown in there). Nick’s stable of Broncos has been better, but they couldn’t score 9 more points between the three of them to ruin Dallas’ weekend. In Week 12, Jake took care of the ruining, as Dallas drops one 93-108. Again, the Mahomes/Kelce stack was quiet. J Tay scored 21, but Dallas couldn’t get another player in the 20s, and now has to settle for being in 7th place with two games to go. The bad news is that Dallas drafted with a war chest and is 6-6, in 7th place. The good news is he has a strong tiebreaker and gets Bradley then Ragen to finish things out.
OTT IS HIM is riding a VERY important two game winning streak coming into the final stretch. He drops Tank in Week 11 114-98, with Aiyuk and the Buffalo defense doing the majority of the reaming. In Week 12, he follows it up with a 120-84 beatdown of Nick. CJ Stroud did CJ Stroud things, scoring 33 points. Brian Robinson adds 24, and AO is rolling at precisely the right time. He’s in 8th place, but he has the third best tie breaker of the aforementioned six teams, and he plays Jake in Week 13, but he gets to play Bradley in Week 14.
Emancipation Fornication’s playoff hopes are dwindling after a two game losing streak. He lost to me and Scott, as highlighted above, but the real problem his team hasn’t gotten out of the 60s the last two weeks in a row. It must be mentioned that Ragen is sitting on the largest points against number in the league, with teams averaging exactly 100 against him per game. He’s not out of the hunt yet. If he wins two in a row he could conceivably be in the playoffs, the odds just aren’t great. He plays Mason and Dallas to finish things off.
Very similar boat for Spencer as Ragen. Not technically out of the hunt, but it’s going to be real tough to sneak in without a strong tiebreaker with 3-4 teams ahead of him in the standings jockeying for the final spot or two. Spencer did take down Eric in Week 11, 113-102, and that should be celebrated! He finishes with Nick and Jake.
Nick’s team sucks now, he’s dropped two in a row and we don’t have to hear him talking about how free, easy, and loose his team is playing now that there’s no pressure for him to win. The only team that clearly sucks more is Bradley’s, safely securing the last place spot in the regular season officially, averaging just under 53 points a game for the year. Hey Bradley, start a defense, it could very easily be your best player.
Crunch time is upon us. One game separates seeds three through eight. Happy Hump Day!
Commish Out.
Nov 29 10:17 AM
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