I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but there’s a direct correlation between my fantasy team winning and me getting a Commissioner’s Note out early in the week. I lose, we’re talking Thursday-Sunday, I win, Tuesday.
What a dumb week of football, if your name is Aric Ott or Caleb Trowbridge. AO did everything he possibly could, but came up 7 points short of the playoffs. He was perfectly efficient in his starting lineup, and absolutely throttled Bradley 121-42. The Watson benching will continue to haunt him forever, or at least until next year. Meanwhile, Hideous & Cowardly couldn’t put up 84 points to lock in a playoff spot, scoring 60 points and somehow still easily handling The Urge to Purge in a 60-38 slogfest. I left a net positive of 16 points on the bench by not starting the correct defense, and if I had had the foresight to start OBJ over KWIII I could have made it happen (cut to Jake at his dumb wood desk saying “Duh, why the fuck wouldn’t you start the best WR on the best team in the NFL”).
What an amazing week of football if your name is Dallas Reid or Scott Moyer. Dallas drops the game to Ragen 94-99, but secures the last playoff spot to finish 7-7 and cap off a roller coaster of a season for Catch TDs Not Feelings. A New Hope looked insanely mortal, losing 77-97 to Unloved Puppies, but finishes the 2023 season as our regular season champion at 10-4 and wins 200 American Dollars. A first round bye in the playoffs is all you can really ask for to give yourself the best shot at the championship, congratulations to Scott and Eric on a season well drafted and well played. I’m not sure if we have ever had a tie at the top of the standings AND a three way tie at the bottom of the playoff picture. It was a very tight year.
What an incredible finish to the season by Jakob Elliott and Mason Reed. At the trade deadline, both had very legitimate chances of missing the playoffs, especially Jake. The Cocaine Bears finish the season on a five game winning streak, and the Unloved Puppies finish the season on a three game winning streak, for both to finish at 9-5 and only one game out from the two seed. Cocaine Bears beat No Safe Words 113-79, and Unloved Puppies beat down A New Hope 97-77 in Week 14. Jake squares off with Tank in the first round of the playoffs to see who faces Scott in the semis, while Mason goes up against Dallas to meet up with Eric in the next round.
What an incredibly shitty year by Bradley, he’s obviously going to make it excruciatingly difficult for anyone else to lose in the consolation bracket, but as Jake accurately pointed out, we’re all firmly rooting against Nick so we can all get some money and most likely some fun horse races out of it. No Safe Words vs Chanpuonsgup in round one, with the winner moving on to the 7 seed, OTT IS HIM. Emancipation Fornication vs newly named WhoGivesAFuck, winner faces Stunning & Brave in the next round.
We know for a fact a Trowbridge will not be hoisting the trophy this year, after a three year domination of the throne. 50% of the playoff field is populated by managers who have never won: Scott, Dallas, and Mason. It could be Tank’s second, Eric’s second, or Jake’s second and a half.
Happy Quarterfinal Round (sobbing), may the best men win.
Commish Out.
Dec 14 12:41 PM
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