You have to imagine how sad I was Thursday evening, watching De’Andre Swift get 28 rushing attempts and dicing up the Vikings defense, thinking my opportunity to beat Scotty had been pissed away, only to then find out the rest of my team can actually be good! It was an all-around team effort for Stunning & Brave to take down A New Hope, similar to Lizzo needing the help of all her backup dancers to shove bananas into a prostitute’s vagina. Lamb, Walker, Hockenson, Moss, hell even Christian Kirk showed up for the show. Scotty threw up a respectable score, even got 19 points from the ghost of James Conner, but in the end, the better team prevailed.
Tied for the high score of the week, Mason Reed ladies and gentlemen! Purdy didn’t do much but it did not matter at all. Pickens with 21, Brian Robinson with 26, and Kyren Williams with a big 21 points to help the Unloved Puppies put the hurt on Emancipation Fornication. The puppies are looking pretty damn loved right now by the fantasy gods, sitting at 2-0 and 2nd place, it’s getting hard to remember how poor Mason was to start this draft! On the other side of this game, Ragen may be letting his newly emancipated cock distract him from the fact his team is 0-2 and has to attempt to right the ship against Dallas, whose team is still projected to score the most points. To be fair, Ragen has played the league’s high scorer in both Week 1 and Week 2. We’ll see what happens!
The Rim Riders, who EASILY have my favorite team avatar this year, are looking comfy at the top of the leaderboard after 113-67 pounding of The Urge to Purge. McCaffrey continues to do McCaffrey things, and Tee Higgins/Keenan Allen both erupt after poor performances in Week 1. Tank’s team couldn’t get anything going at all, with Davante Adams and David Montgomery seemingly the only players with pulses. The Urge to Purge is gonna try and bounce back against the almighty Stunning & Brave squad, while the Rim Riders head to play their team name inspiration, Chanpuonsgup.
Nick and Spencer had an epic battle that came down to the MNF double header. Nick with a one point lead and Hayden Hurst vs the Cleveland defense for Spencer. There wasn’t a lot of offense to go around in the Panthers/Saints game, the defenses were holding tough, and Hurst only came out with 2 points, failing to secure our defending champion’s first win of the young season. I’m sure Nick is VERY encouraged to see Russel-Bussel-Man-Muscle-Wilson show life and drop a 28 spot, and Bijan continuing to look good, but the final score is all that matters and he lost this one! Spencer gets the win but loses Barkley to an ankle sprain, and Waddle to a concussion, and possibly Pacheco to a hamstring injury. Woof! He squares off against the Cocaine Bears in Week 3.
Speaking of the Cocaine Bears, we were all robbed of watching what could have been a glorious finish to Jake and AO’s matchup. Chubb seemingly tore every tendon known to man in the same knee he seriously injured in college, but the Pittsburgh defense finished this matchup with authority, scoring 26 points to secure the win for Jake. A low scoring week and losing a high price draft guy sucks, but I believe in AO to figure it out and still field a great team. Jake better give a line or two to Najee Harris, but I think there’s a very good chance he sucks and no amount of cocaine on earth can help him.
Dallas is in the very strange position of having some bad early season luck, but also some very good early season luck. His team has had injuries and hasn’t performed particularly well yet, but he’s 2-0 due to incredibly poor play by his competitors. Bradley managed to score 53 points this week, with 32 of them coming from Daniel Jones. My notes are showing me that means the entire rest of his team, eight players, combined for 21 points. Needless to say, that’s not a great sign for things to come.
Mason and Dallas are sitting at #2 and #3, respectively, both with 104 points scored against, both having played Bradley already. Ragen, Nick, and Bradley are the last remaining teams without a win. Who wants action on Bradley winning a game this year?? Bang my line!
Commish Out.
Sep 20 1:38 PM
Testing