Scotty finally drafts a quality team now we get a front seat to him experiencing a little fantasy bad luck. Before last week, teams were only averaging 94.5 points per week against you Scott. Sure, AO’s team went off and skewed the number up so your bitching is more legitimate. Ragen, however, is firmly in the seat that gets to bitch. Averaging 100 points a week but only 2-3, with teams averaging 117 against him per week, even after Spencer only put up 79. You’re in 4th place Scott, and your team is the highest scoring team in the league! It’s gonna, probably, be fine. Mason is experiencing some of the best fantasy luck available to a human. Averaging 84.2 points per week playing against an average of 80.8 a week (even after Dallas drastically skewed that stat this week). 3-2 and sixth place, incredible. Eric Saylor has to be approaching some kind of record low for points scored against him. He’s stolen Bradley’s powers, and it’s incredible to watch. Just kidding it’s fucking stupid, go get him Ragen!
The Chicago Bears catapulted AO into a comfortable lead on TNF, but Scott’s team was not phased in the slightest. Huge scores in this matchup. 32 from Fields, a monster 44 from DJ Moore, but Scotty got 30 from Hurts, 27 from TyFreak, and 34 points from Etienne against a seemingly stout Buffalo defense. It came down to Monday Night, and Christian Watson took his sweet time to score any points, but he got it done! Can’t help but think Scotty may have found 10 more points if Conner doesn’t go down, since his backup scored 13 points… ouch. OTT IS HIM moves up to second place in the standings and is looking to add to his three game win streak with a matchup against the Unloved Puppies. A New Hope, as previously mentioned, slides to the four spot with a Week 6 matchup against No Safe Words.
Second highest score in the league for Week 5, Dally rides a hot Jamar Chase and 49er defense for 128 points and a proper disciplining of those Unloved Puppies. Brock Purdy did everything he could do, but Mason’s team has still only eclipsed the 100 mark one time this year, so once Dallas made it to 100 it was all but over! Dallas and Mason now both sit at 3-2, 5th and 6th place in the young season’s standings. Imagine on the day of the draft, an actual wizard knocked on our door Saturday night and said: “After five weeks of the season, Dallas, Mason, and Scott will have the same overall record, and Bradley/Nick/Ragen will have a combined two wins between them.” Then the wizard would leave, but on his way out do some secret handshake with Bradley. I don’t know which of those stats we’d have had a harder time believing on draft night. Moving on!
Some would say the 2023 regular season Trowbridge Bowl was anticlimactic, especially since the last one was for the 2022 championship, but from where I am sitting it was one of the more glorious forms of entertainment this world has ever seen! Breece Hall without a snap count, the New Orleans defense making the Patriots look like children, Zack Moss throwing up 34 on my bench with J Tay back, the three Denver broncos in Nick’s starting lineup combining for 16 points, Hunter Henry scoring 0 points, what more could the people want?? The defending champ remains winless in 2023, and has now only outscored Bradley in total points. Stunning & Brave inches up to 8th place, with a big matchup against a healthy Catch TDs Not Feelings team that is looking a little scarier than I’d like. I don’t know who Nick is playing this week, but does it even matter? LOL.
Tank squeaks out the win against Jake, loses the best running back in fantasy football the last three weeks, Achane, but not before he scores 23 more points! Throw in 21 from Montgomery, 16 from LaPorta, and a very important 4 from Davante on MNF to send the Cocaine Bears to 10th place. This would be the part of Cocaine Bear where the bear is coming down from obscene amounts of blow, gets sad and angry, and eagerly hunts out the next kilo to snarf. The good news is, HE’s the one playing Nick this week. I knew I could find it. The Urge to Purge is riding a very nice three game winning streak heading into his bye week, with a nice chance to stay in the top three in the standings after this week.
Josh Allen put up 30 in London early Sunday morning, making Ragen feel uneasy about things early. Then Goedert and the Jets defense showed up, and the rest of Spencer’s team didn’t. Ragen loses Jefferson for at least four games, but he gets a much needed win to keep himself in the mix. Emancipation Fornication and No Safe Words sit at 2-3, directly outside the top six by one game. We’re relying on Ragen to hand Eric his first loss in Week 6. Nobody likes fantasy teams that are undefeated. Nobody!
Speaking of undefeated bastards, Eric beats Bradley is a closer than anticipated match. McCaffrey showed he’s mortal, but Fairbairn picked up some of the slack from the kicker slot. Instead of Bradley’s team looking like a decaying corpse, it more resemb
Oct 14 1:51 PM
Comments