Okay so the fight was lame, Netflix evidenly does not own enough server farms for a major live event, and the people's hope and prayer that Tyson would connect one big blow and kill Jake Paul did not happen.... but we did get an exquisite shot of Tyson's ass on live television, and for that Netflix, I thank you. I was definitely watching the fight in it's entirety, I was definitely not tripping balls on LSD after being given "mushroom chocolates" in Jacksonville Beach, Florida. I was definitely not having sex with the groom's Step-Aunt, the alleged dosing offender. No, I was DEFINITELY watching the fight. On to Week 11!
Jake has been on a bit of a rollercoaster the last seven weeks in a row, scoring over 100 and winning one week, then scoring under 100 and losing the next week. Just for fun, we'll include Week 5 where he scored 99 and won (essentially 100 okay), check this out:
Week 5: 99, W.
Week 6: 92, L.
Week 7: 109, W.
Week 8: 89, L.
Week 9: 115, W.
Week 10: 88, L.
Week 11: 139, W.
What a wild ride, seems to me a team with inconsistency like that may be in some trouble in the playoffs, but what do I know, my team sucks. Bare Bottoms slaps the shit out of Pull Out Method, 139-86 in Week 11. Burrow is averaging 32 fantasy points per game in his last three (Bengals lost his last two by the way, lol), Saquon was back doing psycho Saquon things with 34, and now I have another fun fact. Saquon's points totals during Jake's rollercoaster stretch:
Week 5: Bye
Week 6: 4
Week 7: 27
Week 8: 13
Week 9: 32
Week 10: 7
Week 11: 34
I believe I have found the key to Jake's fantasy successes and failures. Oh by the way, Jake wins in Week 1, Saquon had 33, Jake loses in Week 2, Saquon had 13, Jake Wins in Week 3, Saquon had 31. So Jake can pretty much only win when Saquon scores north of 27 fantasy points. Weeks 4 and 5 were the only two IN THE ENTIRE SEASON that are outside this little anamoly I spent way too much time starting at. Gibbs and Dobbins both try their best with 17 a piece, but Daniels, Bijan, AJ Brown, and Jefferson all stumble, resulting in Spencer and Jake to swap places in the standings. We're now repeating Weeks 1-3 of the schedule, so Spencer moves on to a wildly important matchup against Ragen, and Bradley is going to ruin the fun little fact I just pointed out.
Dem Other Boyz puts down Young & Super Wrecked 108-83. Tee Higgins returns from the injury to score 23, Brock Bowers scores 21 against his old team manager, and Ja'Marr adds in 19. Dally's team continues the impressive season, but he has also enjoyed the league's lowest points against number (916). The pieces are there, we'll see if this team can make a dent in the post season. Mason has won all three games he scored over 100 points in this year. The cruel irony of it is, in those games, his opponents averaged an abysmal 57.66 points. Talk about scoring the points when you don't need them! Mason looks forward to the top seed in the league, Sideline Karmalytics in Week 12, while Dally looks to sweep The BJs in the regular season series.
Eric breezes past Weekend at Bernies 104-51, which marks the fourth time this season Bradley's opponent has more than doubled his point total in a matchup. Eric really only needed Joe Mixon and Cooper Kupp to handle Bradley, which is ideal because the rest of his team didn't do much. Bradley gets 27 from Anthony Richardson in his return to the starting lineup, but Gesicki, Lockett, and the New England combine for 0 points. Eric is now in the midst of an impressive five game winning streak, looking really good to make it six in a row. I love Eric's chances to lockdown a bye in the playoffs, his team is healthy and ready to fuck some shit up.
Nick leaves Tua's best game in 2024 on the bench for Hustle Bustle Man Muscle Wilson's 6 points, but it doesn't end up mattering in this matchup. 3 in 5 defeats Cinnamon Danish 102-75 in Week 11, with the Sun God's first REAL appearance of 2024. Nick I gotta be honest, 3 in 5 is looking more like 3 in 7 best case scenario. You're not gonna win this year, still a reasonable chance you miss the playoffs entirely, which means you're gonna draft with 200Fish next year, and you'll have to sell that team to give you a shot for year 7. I love you like a brother, but I had to be honest with you and the league. The biggest news of this matchup is Chris Boswell. Not only did he drop 24 points, his second 20bomb of the season, but he now has a 10 point lead over the 2nd place kicker for the season (Fairbairn). Fairbairn has yet to have his bye week, and Boswell has. Boswell is exerting kicker dominance. Yes, Nick, you should keep Boswell next year and I will immediately like your chances at 3 in 6 a million times more.
After selling off one of my best players, Jerry Jeudy comes to my rescue with 23 massive points. Actually, the Cowboys and Rico Dowdle came to my rescue. Go Cowboys! I had to battle Ragens running backs; Breece Hall scores 23 and Josh Jacobs scored 18, but Hurts, Smith, and Bass all disappoint greatly. Dicker the Kicker adds in 12, the Denver defense adds in 13, and I soar past Ragen 97-94 to ruin his five game winning streak and help complicate things for Cuming of Rage down the stretch here. Ragen vs Spencer in Week 12 is a massive matchup. #4 vs #5. Spencer has the season's points edge, so a win for Ragen would help his playoff picture in a big way. They both play AO one more time, but Ragen plays Jake in the final week of the regular season.
Nobody has fought and clawed their way back into the playoff picture quite like Tank. !!POUND FOR POUND!! knocks off The BJ's 96-63, with Josh Allen and David Montgomery leading the way. Tank has never had a better timed three game winning streak (except when he won the league), he now finds himelf in the final playoff spot, with a much better tie breaker than Nick who has the same record. Our defending league champ started the season off hot, he goes 3-1, only to follow that up with three losses in a row. Alternating wins with losses since 3-4, he currently sits at 5-6, certainly not out of the playoff race, but can't be happy with what he's seeing. He now gets the pleasure of playing the top two seeds in the next two weeks. If he can score some points and pick up one of those wins, he has Bradley in Week 13... it may be enough for a chance at the final playoff spot.
Strap in Boys, please keep your arms and hands inside the vehicle, and don't forget to tighten your butthole. Week 12 is upon us!
Commish Out.
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