2024 - Week 2

^Tank at the end of the game Monday Night.

Poor guy. Can you all imagine not bidding 25F for the best RB in the league? Good god he might even be on the best team in the league. Alvin Kamara wreaks havoc on the Dallas Gayboys, scores 44 points, and forever wins my love. Achane puts up 21, and Drake London tried to ruin my weekend before Goedert caught a 13 yard pass, directly before Hurts throws the game sealing interception. I knew I was lucky, but I had no idea I was THAT lucky. Tank drops to 1-1 and 8th place after losing to the superior Trowbridge brother and the sneaky I'm In My Prime squad, the 134F special, moves to 2-0 and 2nd place overall. Tank's schedule isn't getting any easier, he's poised to take on Mr #1, Spencer Hutchings and Pull Out Method, in Week 3. He's now without Pacheco, and even though Ceedee is slotted to play, he's banged up!

The only other close game in the BMB in Week 2 was the Cuming of Rage / Bare Bottoms showdown. DK Metcalf did vintage DK things, Derrick Henry scored a touchdown, McPherson and the Pitt Defense did great things, but in the end, Jacobs, Hall, and Hurts sealed the deal for Ragen. Anthony Richardson showed us why you maybe don't spend 11F on a sophomore, unproven QB. Waddle and the Miami WR core struggled without Tua, and I'm wondering when Pittman is gonna start playing football this year. I don't know if you guys all saw Breece Hall's touchdown catch, but goddamn was it impressive. Ragen picks up the win to avoid an 0-2 start, sitting in 7th with a salivating matchup upcoming against a struggling Cinnamon Danish team. Jake moves on, looking to right the ship against Mason and Young & Wrecked. Both Jake and Mason have avoided the injury bug thus far, unless you count the hit to Waddle with Tua busy trying to remember his birthday. Any chance that guy isn't getting spoon fed his dinner by the time he's 40??

I'm not sure how many times I'm gonna be able to say this year, so soak it in Scotty: Goddamn, how 'bout that Cardinals stack?? The Mighty Mouse, Harrison Jr, and James Conner go OFF on the Rams, racking up 76 points for The BJ's. Malik Nabers acts like a #6 draft pick, adding 21 points, Zay Flowers is good for 15, and the BJ's bust out a 132 point outing, destroying Sideline Karmalytics in Week 2. Eric loses Kupp, and now Collins and Mixon aren't practicing... hey, at least you drafted Fairbairn Eric! 20 point bad boy from the kicker slot. Speaking of which, I have an amazing side story for you all. In my work league, there's a bartender named Mike, cool guy, evidently hasn't played a ton of fantasy football. He's sitting next to me while we're drafting, he takes Justin Tucker in the 7th round or something obscene, cue in my buddy Casey and I very nicely making fun of him, Mike says "I don't know guys, having the best kicker is a game changer, you just wait and see, he's gonna win me a ton of games." I'm playing Mike in Week 2, it looks like he's going to win, and then Fairbairn drops 20 for me to win Sunday night by five points. I of course text him "You were right about kickers winning games, Fairbairn is a bad boy!", and he agrees, saying something to the effect of I told you so. I had to just leave it there. Poetic, magical content.

Scott moves up to 3rd place with an early lead in points for at 229, Eric in 4th overall, 2nd in points for at 226. Scott gets an early 2024 season bye week, his Weekend at Bernies, and Eric faces off with Nick and his injured 3 in 5 squad.

Pull Out Method creams all over Cinnamon Danish, on the outside, not the inside, obviously. Justin Jefferson, Chris Godwin, and JK Dobbins all score 20 or more, and Spencer kind of shockingly puts up 111 with Travis Kelce scoring 0. How 'bout JK Dobbins and his hot start?? Do you guys want to know how much Spencer paid for the #3 RB in fantasy? One. One fantasy dollar. I know it's only Week 2, but here's a fun fact: Bijan Robinson and Jahmyr Gibbs, the two guys Spence paid 163F combined for, have together scored the same amount of points as JK Dobbins. Crazy. I still think there's a chance AO's team gets frisky at some point here, but it sure hasn't happened yet. He tries his luck against Ragen and Cuming of Rage this week.

Bradley's already miserable season sinks even lower, his best player get's his 69th documented concussion and goes to the IR. Now Tua-less, I'm certain we see historic lows from Weekend at Bernies, which is sad because Bernie is a stand up guy, and his name shouldn't be dragged through the mud. It was a total team with for Mason, nobody scoring 20, and nobody less than 5. Young and Wrecked puts up 106, good for tied 3rd highest score of the week, and 6th place overall in the standings. You know Mason, if you turn that six upside down, you could be in your safe place.

Tied for the lowest scoring matchup of the week, Dem Other Boyz and 3 in 5 battled in mud, remeniscent of Sutherlin High School's home field our senior year. 87-69 (nice) is the final score, with Nick the victor. James Cook was the story of the matchup, and most certainly the reason Nick escaped with a victory. Somehow, Nick thought it would be a good idea to bench Davante Adams for DJ Moore, which would maybe make sense if DJ Moore had a good Week 1, but he didn't. The ridiculous gamble didn't do any harm, but Nick currently sits in 10th place with only 164 points on the year. Even though Dallas lost the game, he remains higher than Nick in the standings at 9th place. Nick doesn't get any scheduling favors this week, slated to play Sideline Karmalytics, while Dallas comes to my house. Don't bother bringing lube Dallas, I've been saving up my spit all week for you baby!

As a way to honor the past, when I religiously kept you guys informed of the hottest WAGS in the NFL, I'd like to you all to meet Christen Harper, wife of Jared Goff, who is safely riding the pine for Dallas' team:

Week 3, here we go!

Commish Out.