Lot of smackdowns in the league in Week 9. Mostly smackdowns. There was only a single matchup that wasn’t a smackdown. We’ll start with that one!
Dem Other Boyz falls to the world’s favorite stat boy, Sideline Karmalytics 84-92. Lamar (23) and Mixon (19) lead the way, and poor Dally has to watch his star players Stroud, Chase, Swift, and J Tay combine for a measly 27 points. Joe Mixon, ladies and gentlemen. Quietly dominant and averaging a mean 23.75 non-ppr points in his last four outings. Austin Ekeler and Tank Dell did all they could do, but The Boyz didn’t have it in the tank this week, they played against the lowest winning score (92) and fall short. Dallas looks ahead to his juicy mostly bye matchup against Bradley, and Eric moves on to the always exciting, Wood Boy/Cubicle Sharing matchup against Jake.
Speaking of Jake and his Bare Bottom boys, King Henry and Saquon Barkley slapped the shit out of me this week. It’s so crazy what happens for the Ravens when they give the ball to the King. 23 carries turns in to 106 yards and two touchdowns, and a lot of tears for Caleb. Saquon gives us one of the sickest highlight plays from a running back I can ever remember, along with 159 yards rushing, one rushing TD, and a receiving TD as a cherry on top. Those cunts combine for 59 points, Jake hangs the most points in the league for Week 9, rolls into second place yet again in the standings, with a chance to take the top spot after Week 10.
Young & Wrecked finally put it all together. Led by Chase Brown (24), Garrett Wilson (21), and Rhamondre Stevenson (16), Mason gets 114 out of his squad and a massive blowout of Cinnamon Danish. Thankfully it didn’t matter, but AO left a monster 33 point outing from Smith-Njigba on his bench. Strangely, both teams got zero from the TE spot, and RIP to Chris Olave as another star WR goes down in 2024. Mason vies to keep the momentum rolling, facing off with Tank and !!POUND FOR POUND!! in Week 10. AO hopes for a delicious BJ from Scott for his upcoming matchup.
Ragen picks up his 4th win in a row, riding a hot Jalen Hurts (29 points in Week 9), there’s a big difference between 2-3 and 6-3, let me tell you! Chuba Hubbard sprinkles in 19, and the rest of Ragen’s team didn’t have to do much on the way to a 113-78 victory over Scott and the BJs. Scott gets a total of seven points from his star WR trio, Nabers, Puka, and Harrison Jr. His leading scorers were Herbert and the Charger defense, both with 19, but 78 points isn’t gonna get it done almost any week and he falls to 4-5 and 8th place. Ragen takes on Nick in a top six matchup and Scott looks to right the ship against AO in Week 10.
DaVante scores in the double digits for the first time since Week 2, and his first time as a Jet, but the rest of 3 in 5 was unable to dazzle, and Spencer wins this matchup 105-74. JK Dobbins continues his solid 2024 campaign, dropping 22 on Cleveland and showing us all what the Ravens hoped they would get from him all those years. Maybe Jim is just the superior Harbaugh for NFL running backs. Kelce scores in the double digits for the second time this season and the second week in a row. Bijan, Gibbs, and Jefferson don’t go off, but they contribute nicely to an all around team win for Pull Out Method. Spencer moves to 6-3, sits at 3rd place, and eyes a friendly matchup against me, especially with a couple unfriendly byes.
Bradley scores 69 points for the second time this year, which is insane and has to be some kind of record…. Very sexual. He gets worked this week 108-69 by Tank and Kareem Hunt (20) and Achane (23). Hockenson makes his big debut of the season and only catches 3 balls for 23 yards, but Tank gets to enjoy DeAndre Hopkins looking sexy for the Chiefs with 20 points. Bradley had an impressive three goose eggs in the lineup, but Courtland Sutton looked sharp with 19.
We now have five teams sitting at 6-3 at the top of our rankings, which is verifiably insane. Seems like something that might be difficult for our stat boy to look into, but I can’t imagine we’ve had that big of a tie at the top this far into a season.
Happy Week 10 boys, except Spencer. Commish Out!
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