2026 Week 3

Mason continues his 2026 domination of the Bro Montana Bowl in Week 3, throwing up the highest score of the week (again), cruising past Dally 109-92. Josh Allen had two rushing touchdowns for his third game in a row, but showed us he is actually mortal by only scoring 16 fantasy points. JSN continued to do JSN things… and Garret Wilson finally had a game! Dallas got to finally start Brock Bowers, and he dropped 20! Rico Dowdle gets hurt, and Jaylen Warren is so back. 19 from the bell cow in Pittsburg, but McMillan and Corum could only score one a piece, and Jalen Hurts lost to the fucking Case Keenum Bears. Dallas has the second most points scored in the league, he’s sitting in 7th, but no reason to panic here. His team is looking strong heading into another tough matchup against Rage Bait. Mason continues to believe his team won’t ever lose a game (makes total sense) as Chronically Mismanaged faces off against Touched by the Tism in Week four. 

Speaking of Touched by the Tism, he punched AO and a struggling Fear and Loathing squad right in the throat on Thursday Night Football. Bijan! 35 points from the young man. The rest of Spencer’s squad didn’t even have to get off the bus. Bijan took this one down by himself, 35-26. Man, I really liked AO’s team post draft. I’m surprised Jadarian Price has sucked. Also surprised Mark Andrews has sucked. Injuries are always apart of fantasy football, but check out all the red AO is dealing with. (Picture). Ouchtown! Fear and Loathing looks to right the ship against Tactical Diet Coke in Week four. He’s only projected for 55 so this could be an uphill sled. The season is young, but keep an eye on Juwan Johnson. Spencer may have found a sneaky top three tight end on the cheap. 

I don’t know if Ragen is smoking the marijuana or what, but he scored 9 points less than his projection in Week 1, three more than his projection in Week 2, and 14 more than his projection on his way to a win over Scott in Week 3. The Jedi has not returned. The Jedi is still off fucking around in the woods with Yoda. Quarterback woes continue for Scotty, in a matchup where his two QBs faced off, one scored 9 (Murray), and the other scored 10 and got hurt (Mayfield). Gonna be tough to win a fantasy match with no quarterback play! Ragen loses Achane to a season-ending knee injury, his next RB in line Etienne goes down with a hammy, but he gets the job done, keeps a solo second place record with his sick tie breaker, and moves on to square up with Dally in Week 4. Scott is actually projected to beat Eric in Week 4, which of course means nothing, but something a person who is 0-3 will certainly notice. It’s the small wins… I am confused as to how Nick and I were the only ones bidding for Sam Darnold on the waiver wire. We have Scott over here with a starting QB who’s scored 7 points TOTAL for him, and Darnold (who dropped 30 in his return last week) goes to me for 10 FAAB? Well alright!

Frothy Holes strikes again, already defeating everyone in the league with the last name Trowbridge. Nice games from Tee Higgins and KWIII, and McPherson has been Eric’s second best player so far this year. Man, if only Nick spent money on a QB this year, he’d have two more wins! (Stat guy whispers in my ear). Oh. My. My mistake, he DID spend money on a QB, he just spent money on the wrong one. I like to imagine Jakob Elliott, drunk, banging some slot machines at a strip club, goes to rock a piss, stumbles upon a genie. She’s five feet tall, tattoos, a big booty and an attitude. She gives him the opportunity to see into the future, but only for one specific thing. He could have asked to know a specific stock price, who he would be having sex with next, etc. Jake, in his beautiful lifelong pursuit to fuck with everyone in this league, decided to ask how Drake Maye’s fantasy season was going to go. The genie, confused, tells him, then disappears. Fast forward to draft day and I overhear Jake selling Nick on keeping Drake Maye (something Nick had no intention of doing), and it all just makes so much sense now. Drake Maye scored a whopping seven points last week for Nick and Ragen’s tie, then follows it up with a two for Nick to lose by four. Wooooof. Nick now has to place his playoff run in the hands of the immortal Jacoby Brissett. I can’t wait to watch him throw tuddies to Michael Wilson all morning. We got a Trowbridge bowl in Week 4 baby!

In the other snug matchup of the week, Bear-ly Legal shakes Tactical Diet Coke 95-91 on Monday Night Football. Tank had a one point lead and Dontayvion Wicks, Jake had Saquon. I would have loved to see more fireworks, more scoring, a more interesting finish, but Saquon boringly got enough to get the job done. Tank trades for Kittle, Kittle drops 20. Jake trades for Drake London, scores 22. Evidently Bradley and Scott were the problem! Jake moves on to face off with Drinking Sailors, Tank gets the week off as he faces Fear And Loathing.

Guys, I very much support owning Jahmyr Gibbs. I may change my team name after he drops his first 40 ball of the season this week. My boy scored 33, the rest of my team did very little, I beat the Wizard 88-65. I’ve scored the third least points in the league, but I’m 2-1 baby. I love being lucky! Once my WRs come back… y’all going downtown baby.

Commish Out.